Monthly Archives: December 2013

Daily Prompt: Forgive and Forget?

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/12/21/prompt-forgive/

Hello everyone!

This daily prompt caught my eye. Since it’s something I’m going to be dealing with in my personal blog quite a bit.

I used to be someone who made vendettas quite fast… I felt like people stepped on my toes quite easely, and I still do sometimes. Something I’m sad to admit has caused me lots of heartache and failures in life. It’s not so much that I wanted grudges, it’s that I always put myself second expecting other people to do the same out of courtesy. When they didn’t that’s where I got bitter about it. I say courtesy and could come off as somewhat an elitist. But I have to say that expierience has taught me that some people, myself included, do have to let go of some courtesies because they just aren’t healthy in the long run.

Mostly I’d have a hard time forgiving women who played with my emotions. I was so obsessed with finding love in the arms of a woman I’d get involved with situations that would just scream “setup for pain” and I’d ignore it out of good will. There is this kind of “love” that makes blind I guess. You all know the story, girl breaks up with boyfriend, you walk in beeing al nice and voila you’re a replacement.

(yes ofcourse I realise this might as wel be the other way around…I’m just writing it from my point of view in this instance)

And here stuff goes wrong…you put up your best efford to help them get over it. Something seemingly starts to bloom between you and her. Inside you silently dare think to yourself “this just might be the start of something new”. A couple of months later she’s back with the guy she had been complaining about for months…

This has hapened to me several times in diffirent scenarios, some more vicious then others but more or less the same.

My life changed at some point, I got baptised a Christian…and all my problems went away instantly…heh, ofcourse that’s not the case.

No I did get baptised, and got involved with churches. Started sniffing up the local Christian culture. One of, if not the biggest thing we see Jesus do is ofcourse forgive. At the time I had been through one of those messy “relations” or whatever you wanna call it (friendzoning?) and it really bothered me. I’d wake up early in the morning feeling such agony about how things went so horribly wrong. You know how when you just have woken up or are about to fall asleep, those deep matters of the heart just pop up? Wel exactly that, and it was all I could think of, women who’ve hurt me. I’d furiously hate them and at the same time repress longing for them,…it was torture.

I wanted to be done with it, so I decided to man up and sent one of those women in my past an email telling her that I was sorry for how things went and that I wanted to forgive her. While it was a little awkward I could tell she was glad and relieved in a way.

It didn’t deal with the wound instantly, but it did take a lot of my shoulders. Will I forget? Over time I actually might, not the events themselves but in a sense that I’ll leave behind living those scars. I’m glad to say that I nearly don’t have those morning terrors anymore.

A couple of years later a dear friend of mine told me this, forgiving is the most important thing you can do. And it’s not a matter of feeling ready for it. It’s one of those decisions you can make with your mind…your feelings will adapt afterwards.
And he’s right, once you step back to see the other people involved…you suddenly see their weakness and their humanity behind their actions. And it makes forgiving easier. That’s not to say you’re going to like that person or spend time with them…in some cases you best get them out of your life asap. But forgiving is key to letting go.

And ofcourse no post made by a fan of Jesus is complete without pointing to him so here it is:

When you think about how much he has forgiven us, and how much he still is forgiving us and is going to, after a while you can’t help but give in and do the same. It’s kind of catchy like that, he persuades. It doesn’t make life easier on the surface…but it brings a certain peace inside. And in the end isn’t that what every single human beeing is chasing after?

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Come and take a swim part 3

Hello!

It’s been a while huh, I thought it would be a good time to start writing this segment again. Now Last time we focussed on me standing up for Jesus every now and then during high school. And this is where things got sort of set into place for my life to become interesting later on. Lets take a small detour from beeing a Jesus rebel here, we’ll get back on track with that later on.

I was in 4th grade and I made friends with a guy who was just a couple of years older then I was. We both passionatly loved video games and it turned out we didn’t live that far from one another either. Wel I say not that far…I bet it took nearly an hour to get there by bike. But living where I lived and beeing who I was…there weren’t many people I wanted to hang out with and this guy was definatly it. When I met this guy I was sort of in a phase of beeing in between. Didn’t have big aspirations, didn’t really plan on doing anything. Just a kid going to school. But then one day, my friend took out his cd-man…remember those? I got introduced to metallica…I heard of them before but nothing special came to mind. And we started sharing about music we liked. At that point all I knew was the “goth” music from my older sister…(not really,but I thought it was) and a few bands I borrowed from the library when I was much younger. Manowar, sepultura, slayer, obituary, …I’d tape the cd’s from the library. Anyway, back to my friends metallica cd. Shortly after he told me he plays a little guitar himself…now that struck my interest. A lot. We started hanging out playing video games, and a little guitar in between. I dusted of an old acoustic my dad inherited from a friend and I’d figure out little bit’s of chord on my own. Suddenly the guitar craze had bit me.

 

I didn’t take long for my dad to get excited about it as wel…and while it was against my mothers wil “because he will play that thing and school wil become second” I got my first electric guitar. Every single weekend I’d be playing that thing from morning till evening. I loved it. I’d be in my bedroom pretending to be James Hetfield, Eddie Van Halen, Steve Vai,…I had found my passion. It didn’t take long for me and my friend to start writing songs. We had such a blast, we’d stay over at eachothers house all summer. We’d have those first rehearsals where you improvise this contraption to record with a tapedeck and you’d play until you had it right. Fond, verry fond memories. I’m so glad to have them. Even as I write this I can’t help but feel immense gratitude on the edge of a tear for such beautiful and innocent memories.

We’d design bandlogo’s, after all we did artschool. We’d write lyrics and get into some singing…and it started to feel like an actual band except that it was just the two of us and there was lots of room for improvement.

Then came a time that would change everything…can you guess what it was? Two friends having a good time and then suddenly…I had a girlfriend. Oh-oh here comes trouble. Wel I did have some “girlfriends” before that, but you know holding hands and kisses on the cheeck because at that age…wel girls have the cooties and what do you know huh? But this girlfriend was a little older then me and she’d been around the block a couple of times. It was fun while it lasted but my parents confronted me with the fact that, this wasn’t a girl for me. What followed was a short depression…but my friend stuck with me through it and did his utter best from letting me fall. He had his eye on a diffirent girl but sadly he got a bit friendzoned if I recall correctly. And all was back to normal again…at this point we deserved a big applause and a round of cake…our band was still existing after the first encounter with women…in band terms that means…you guys have potential…yeah forget what they say about playing on stage…if your high school band survives a girlfriend…that’s when you really know you’re the man! It’s the high school band equivalent of taking down a grizzly bear barehanded…you’re all kinds of bad-ass!!! Finally you can sport that little speck of fluff on your chin like it was a full blown lumberjack-beard.

At this point our band started getting a slight bit of personality btw, I started wearing these celtic rings and woolen sweaters…like I was some kind of metal John Lenon…yeah teenagers are pretentious. And that’s an understatement. 

Anyway. Our friendship got stronger, but also a bit more complicated. However we did keep on rehearsing because we wanted to play at some kind of high school reuinion day or something. Single minded we pushed onward because we were determined to be a band!

And then one day, she walked into my life…(thum-dum-duuuuuuum!!!! MAJOR cliffhanger)

 

More about that soon… 😉

 

Trusting God and others.

Hi everybody,

Yes it’s time for the soapbox again. Recently I came across the sinners prayer isseu in a video on youtube.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with this I’ll break it down as short as possible as wel as I know how.

People get confronted with God in many diffirent ways be it dreams, visions, miracles or just about anything.

Back to the sinners prayer, at some point in life you may feel the need to cry out to God, wether you know Him or not. Wether it feels logical or not. Wether you went to Him or He called out to you first…there’s really no formulla for this. But in general most Christians can tell when it hapened, what day or what part of their life. What the circumstances were and how things turned out. It’s marking to you. Sometimes people get led by other people in these prayers and here is where all the hoopla starts.

One side claims once the prayer is uttered it’s in God’s hands and things take off. The other side however takes the stance that it doesn’t believe it’s real until some really noticeable diffirences have taken place. And here it seriously goes all over the place. Some say you have to do the prayer and you have to tell everybody about it, others say you immediatly have to enroll in a bible study, and so on and on,… Some of these ideas are good, others are horrible. After a few years of sniffing up church culture I came up with this personal rule of thumb. Try to remain yourself. I’ve been there, I’m seeing others go through it as I write this.

And it makes me realise something lately, dealing with your new identity and your past is exhausting, it’s intense, it’s sometimes even traumatising. Because everything you know about how to deal with life suddenly gets torn appart and put toghether diffirently. And wel meaning brothers and sisters in Christ do their utter best to help you get through it. And they try hard, but here is the thing. We have to learn to back off a bit as wel sometimes. Because we sooo long for those first days with God again ourselves, we just flood the newcomers like flies on a poo (dutch expression…priceless). Hoping to get a glimpse of God reaching out to the newcomer because we all know that’s where the spiritual action is. Maybe we aughta find our first love ourselves again? We suffocate the newcomer. We think we’re doing right but we’re really overdoing the guiding sometimes. They can’t rely on older brothers and sisters in Christ all the time, they have to learn to live life on their own spiritual feet…and I suggest they learn it pretty early as wel. You can’t tell others to live life for God and expect it to work. You’re going to have to trust God on this one. 

Does that bother you? The idea that, it’s really just you and God? The idea that, you have to let go of that new guy at some point and into the arms of God? Does it? Good.

Get a hold of the gospel, the whole picture, listen to preachings, read your bible, ask your brothers and sisters for guidance. But then there comes a point where you’re going to have to wrestle this out by yourself with God. Yes I do say wrestle. If your walk with God is happy clappy time all the time you’re missing out. I used to hate hearing this, but it’s true. No I’m not talking about persecution or physical suffering like most do. I’m talking about taking your deep frustrations, your darkest places, your biggest questions, your anger and hate. Take it to God…not just to “leave it at the cross” …no I want you wrestle through those things with God. It’s testing, it’s dangerous…but it’s been one of the most maturing things I’ve expierienced with God. Be dead honest about your feelings towards God. He knows how you are inside. Why hide it? Adam hid after the apple incident…as if God didn’t know where he was…it didn’t help the situation, I think it would have been better if he was open about it instead of hiding and then blaming his wife about it. And so it is for us.

 

If you want God to be honest with you, be real with Him…I promise it’ll do you good. God desires a real relationship with you, don’t worry, Jesus is your failsafe…and next to that, some things are best discovered firsthand.