This daily prompt caught my eye. Since it’s something I’m going to be dealing with in my personal blog quite a bit.
I used to be someone who made vendettas quite fast… I felt like people stepped on my toes quite easely, and I still do sometimes. Something I’m sad to admit has caused me lots of heartache and failures in life. It’s not so much that I wanted grudges, it’s that I always put myself second expecting other people to do the same out of courtesy. When they didn’t that’s where I got bitter about it. I say courtesy and could come off as somewhat an elitist. But I have to say that expierience has taught me that some people, myself included, do have to let go of some courtesies because they just aren’t healthy in the long run.
Mostly I’d have a hard time forgiving women who played with my emotions. I was so obsessed with finding love in the arms of a woman I’d get involved with situations that would just scream “setup for pain” and I’d ignore it out of good will. There is this kind of “love” that makes blind I guess. You all know the story, girl breaks up with boyfriend, you walk in beeing al nice and voila you’re a replacement.
(yes ofcourse I realise this might as wel be the other way around…I’m just writing it from my point of view in this instance)
And here stuff goes wrong…you put up your best efford to help them get over it. Something seemingly starts to bloom between you and her. Inside you silently dare think to yourself “this just might be the start of something new”. A couple of months later she’s back with the guy she had been complaining about for months…
This has hapened to me several times in diffirent scenarios, some more vicious then others but more or less the same.
My life changed at some point, I got baptised a Christian…and all my problems went away instantly…heh, ofcourse that’s not the case.
No I did get baptised, and got involved with churches. Started sniffing up the local Christian culture. One of, if not the biggest thing we see Jesus do is ofcourse forgive. At the time I had been through one of those messy “relations” or whatever you wanna call it (friendzoning?) and it really bothered me. I’d wake up early in the morning feeling such agony about how things went so horribly wrong. You know how when you just have woken up or are about to fall asleep, those deep matters of the heart just pop up? Wel exactly that, and it was all I could think of, women who’ve hurt me. I’d furiously hate them and at the same time repress longing for them,…it was torture.
I wanted to be done with it, so I decided to man up and sent one of those women in my past an email telling her that I was sorry for how things went and that I wanted to forgive her. While it was a little awkward I could tell she was glad and relieved in a way.
It didn’t deal with the wound instantly, but it did take a lot of my shoulders. Will I forget? Over time I actually might, not the events themselves but in a sense that I’ll leave behind living those scars. I’m glad to say that I nearly don’t have those morning terrors anymore.
A couple of years later a dear friend of mine told me this, forgiving is the most important thing you can do. And it’s not a matter of feeling ready for it. It’s one of those decisions you can make with your mind…your feelings will adapt afterwards.
And he’s right, once you step back to see the other people involved…you suddenly see their weakness and their humanity behind their actions. And it makes forgiving easier. That’s not to say you’re going to like that person or spend time with them…in some cases you best get them out of your life asap. But forgiving is key to letting go.
And ofcourse no post made by a fan of Jesus is complete without pointing to him so here it is:
When you think about how much he has forgiven us, and how much he still is forgiving us and is going to, after a while you can’t help but give in and do the same. It’s kind of catchy like that, he persuades. It doesn’t make life easier on the surface…but it brings a certain peace inside. And in the end isn’t that what every single human beeing is chasing after?