Here we are again, with broken pieces of our heart, holding up the bleeding remnants of a heart to the sky.
Trying to confront God with what has hapened, as if he didn’t know or cared.
But he does, he sees it all, the tears running down your face, the blood getting absorbed by your clothes.
He knows how you feel…
My blog seems to be one either about confronting western christian culture with it’s shortcomings…as if I’m any better. Or other times touching on those really personal things that affect all of us at some point.
Yes here we are again, with a broken heart, taking the emotions to God as best as I can. Trying to surrender, trying to understand, trying to fight…but it’s futile, those pesky feelings catch up at some point and I have to get through them. And theres no one I’d rather have me walk through them but God himself, if He’s all able He might as wel show up in times like these. Friends and family will stand by you as best as they can, and it does miracles,…but it only goes that far.
I’ve been in this place plenty of times by now and it only makes me desperate for more of God. I hurt for myself,…but on top of that, I hurt for all those children of God who are as broken and misguided as I was and still am. We flee in our sins and in the process of running away from God we hurt others around us…while we are suposed to be as one as much as Jeshua and the father are one. It’s a sad state of affairs…but love overcomes all. His love.
I remember a year or two aggo. I met a girl in church, she was visiting from a far away land. We made contact and got to know eachother a little better online. I remember saying to God “if this is the one, this beautifull girl, I’ll be the happiest guy ever”…I didn’t hear from her for a week or so…and as it turned out she met another guy only minutes after we talked. (she just had to mention that little detail only to drive the stake a little deeper…thanks a lot)
I did what I always do when I’m suffering a bad case of heartbrokeness…I go jogging. And ofcourse I had a bitter thing or two to say to God during my jogg…when all of a sudden He wispered back to me…
“This feeling you’re having right now, this feeling you’ve had so many times before each time a girl walks away from you.
That is how I feel each time one of my children walks away from me”
And I felt this strong urge to stand with God, to defend him, to swear allegiance, jup we become brave all of a sudden…eventhough I also am one of those children who just can’t seem to get it right…I only have God’s grace to count on and I know how desperatly I need it.
If there’s anything I’ve learned from the many heartbrakes all the way to this one is that forgiveness is never to be withheld. Even if I am a victim and fully in the right. For situations like these, I call God a harsh master…I really do. But it’s the only master who will have me. It’s the only master who will welcome me back, time and time again as I struggle through life.
So with this post, I pay tribute to a God who endured immense physical and emotional pain…and is gracious enough to help me through my mere bruises.
Here’s to you, Father God.