New and improved christianese catchphrases

So if you’ve been near a christian church or just know a couple you’ll notice this pretty fast. They use these words and catchphrases among one another that are either inmeasurably lame, make little to no sense (hence it’s nonsense) or just suck the joy out of living.

Heck even the good ol “ah-gawd bless ya’ll” makes me cringe. It’s become so empty and vain that it makes me wanna slap the next guy who just blurts it out just for the heck of it. Do you really mean it?! Do you really wish to conjure up the blessing from God on high upon each and every single person in the room or are you just trying to say goodbye in a fashion that makes outsiders feel like outsiders?

Or this one gets on my nerves “each time you open the bible the devil cries”…oh really? Like his followers never open a bible because it’s like holy water on a vampire isn’t it? …more like, they probably read it even more then you do jackass.

So to counter all this bullcrap I’ve decided to come up with my own catchphrases as to add a little to christian culture myself instead of always beeing the critical one.

1: Make sure to memorize this one by december “afraid of Christ beeing taken out of Christmass?…Don’t worry! He already left ages aggo.” Speaks for itself doesn’t it? If you’re more worried about some overtly consumerism driven kapitalism fest instead of the needy…time to do some revising of what your faith stands for. I personally don’t want to associate my faith with Christmass anymore, let them have it already!

2: “Don’t love them? Don’t bother them!” 1 corinthians 13…a lot of you “prophets” and “evangelists” might wanna re read this one a couple of times.

3: “Sola scriptura? Okay billy’s been bad, time for a stoning” You know those brothers and sisters in christ who are just soooo full of doing what exactly the bible says and telling everyone else what to do? Call them out on it. Theres plenty of old testament material that will get you in jail if applied.

4: “Show me one “good christian” and I’ll show you one pharisee” Deep down you all know the roles in general have turned over the ages.

5: “For God so loved rock-n-roll merchandise he demanded it as burnt offerings”…keep this one fresh next time some stupid schmuck wants you to burn some of your nice stuff…he’s just jealous…


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