Monthly Archives: September 2014

The Christian burden.

So I thought I’d share my latest misadventures with you guys.

Here’s my first one this week. Someone I know posted an article about the grace movement, it was about wether or not the hyper grace movement is doing damage or good. Interesting stuff I didn’t get around to reading it fully actually. So ofcourse theres always going to be “that guy”. “That guy” found that the grace movement as of late has been doing more damage then good and that it’s dragging a lot of people to hell. He also found it necessary to mention that a lot of people are going to be sorry when Jesus comes back (soon! promise? pinky swear).

And that’s when I have a hard time shutting up. It’s when these stuck up, hyperspiritual nutjobs find it necessary to preach doom and gloom upon the people doing little to no effort to show them a little love. Because you know, right after Jesus told the pharisees to “throw the first stone” and they left after that. He ofcourse told the woman to sin no more…OTHERWISE SHE’D GET THE STONE AGAIN!!!!! (if you don’t know the actual story, this was a joke ;p) Well you catch my drift, I like to point stuff out to these types that make them nervous. Because usually it’s the kind of stuff that challenges them to love, look beyond their own boundaries, to open up a little.

So I suggested him to look up “hotm heart of the matter: has Jesus returned?” on youtube. (Yes I’ll gladly give these guys free advertising, thank you :p) In which a verry strong biblical/historical case is beeing made that Jesus has in fact already returned a second time around 70ad. …oh boy. He went off something allong the lines off “I don’t take anything from youtube or the papacy (the catholic vatican) and I only listen to the holy spirit…” and blah blah blah. He went on to say that the grace movement has only done damage and that he has seen hunderts of people in need of years and years of counceling in his ministry trying to get rid off sin.

My heart sunk and I started typing my response right away. Sadly the original poster had seen enough by the time I got around to replying and deleted everything, which I have the greatest sympathy for ofcourse.

But that leaves me with, I still want to formulate my response to someone. It was something like this.

I have nothing but grace to count on. I have tried on my own efforts trying to live up to the “christian” standard of life and failed miserably over and over again. I felt immense guilt over everything for years. And then it came, my life fell appart, I’d spend entire weekends alone by myself to the point of panic attacks. I became disconnected from my own parents, my real friends, my family, people I went to school with over the years…all my relationships slowly fading away…even more panic attacks at random times. I’d push myself into church trying to force it all down with a smile on my face. Mhhh jummy that’s some good gospel music there…barf. Yes…lets fast for a week because Jesus wants it! And maybe the worst of all, the constant idea that if I’m not out there praying a succesfull healing prayer over random people out there and talking to them about Christ in a way that “the heroes of the faith” would do it, I would be in sin because I wasn’t living up to what was expected from me…by God Himself. Years of this madness. Years.

Even to the point where I was just begging God “please just kill me now, end it now, get it over with”. I’d walk around with thoughts like that for days. I’d furiously hate God, because of how outcast “He had made me”.

I’d spit my prayers at God in hate and loathing because He wouldn’t answer anyway.

And what did my brothers and sisters in church do about it? Most of them didn’t even see it. I remember one time I’d tell a “close friend” in church of mine “today I asked God to kill me”. And he didn’t even react to it, he just responded with “Oh I hear ya, my boss was a jerk today”. Credit goes out to those who did hear my cries for help ofcourse, not everyone can help you in your time of need, you gotta know who to reach out to that one is on me.

And you can already feel it coming, there even were times the word suicide passed through my mind.

You know what helped me get through this? This horrible rockbottom period of my life? Wel Jesus ofcourse,…but do you want to know through whom he did that?

Guys like John Crowder. You mean the guy who gets drunk in the spirit and does all kinds of whacky stuff? Yes, exactly that guy…you know what is even more outrageous about him? He preaches a gospel where you can be yourself and act normal as wel, living a non traumatic day to day life. What a criminal huh? No good has ever come from preaching grace… watching his videos helped me a lot more then any of your fasts ever did.

Guys like Sean Mcraney, atleast this guy asks questions and isn’t afraid to call bullshitaky mushroom on Christian culture when it clearly is!

Guys like Pastor Bob Beeman. You mean that guy that preaches unconditional love and tends to leave conservative Christianity behind at times? Yes exactly the verry same. He was there for me personally when you people with your altar calls were cleuless. A big big shoutout and thank you to this man, people like these are far and between.

And my parents… I can’t even begin to explain how glad I am to have my parents in my life.

That’s the kind of people I owe my sanity, my joy and maybe some of them, even my life to.

But go ahead dear christianites, go ahead and shout it from the mountaintops that the grace movement is nothing but a tool from the devil. Surely Jesus had nothing to do with grace, nuh-uh.
What a load! “For God so loved the world” …does that phrase mean ANYTHING at all?

Oh right I was going to do multiple stories… ok heres a quick one to close down:

So I noticed a friend of mine that I once shared a huge stage with, keeps posting all this bitter stuff about religions fighting eachother and whatnot. Yes it are troublesome times indeed. But I wrote him a heartfelt letter saying, look man, I’m worried that you’re becoming bitter and that you’ve kind of lost track of who you are allong the way. Don’t let this church stuff eat you up like this, go enjoy music like you used to! I want you to be happy.

He responded verry dry with a sumarry of his salvation in christ …and a document listing all of the great Christian martyrs throughout the ages…

I can’t deal with this anymore people. Look, out of all you zionists/evangelicalls/charismatics/protestants/whatchamacallits…in short christians who never dare to use the F word and fast atleast once a year. Out of all these people, are there any left that you can have a normal conversation with?