The silence of the sheep

Our little church fellowship was quick to adapt to the latest internet trends and implement them for their own use. That’s how we ended up with our own little private facebook group.

And the fact that it was private was great for a while, you could ask for prayer or similar things of a more personal nature that you didn’t feel comfortable sharing outside of your own church community.

That’s also how I approached church. I shared everything like it was family, some people were even surprised sometimes. Someone told me once she was impressed with how I openly shared that I had my heart broken by a girl back then (to give an example). And as much as I appreciated her positive noticing. I couldn’t help but also feel a slight disappointment.

Why was this noteworthy? Why wasn’t this commonly practiced to really share your feelings among another? It’s supposed to be a family right? But she was right, this wasn’t an everyday practice. In fact it would happen more often that I would open up about something deep during “smallgroup” like gatherings and it would lead nowhere or awkward silences. Oh don’t worry I always kept things appropriate. It’s that they just didn’t know how to deal with real conversations. Look if you’re going to encourage your church members to open up about personal feelings and experiences, don’t be surprised and stand by helplessly when they actually do come to the surface.

It’s embarrassing and hurtfull to the person opening up and it makes you look like a  jackass. It’s the equivalent to saying “fall backwards, I’ll catch you, just trust me” and then just letting the guy drop on his ass. (Yeah I’m a theist who uses semi-salty words, what about it?)

Which brings me to another instance. I once posted on before mentioned private facebook group an article about things that athiests and christians can find common ground in, and how we can improve living alongside one another.

In fact here it is=>

It’s a long read and I don’t expect you to read all of it, it kind of boils down to this=> regardless of what your views and/or beliefs are, don’t take them too serious and cut others some slack.

I’d say that’s a healthy approach to things and one that everyone should be able to find some common ground in right? If all of humanity collectively unlenched a bit once in a while about their “way”. Maybe we’d end up with less decapitations and bombings.

But apparently this is against the agenda of the average christian church pastor. Apparently posting articles like these causes you to be called aside to receive a stern talking too. He found it necessary to point out that spreading ideas like these might be bad and confusing to the newcomers.

What newcomers? And what’s confusing? Suddenly when someone visited your church they’re automatically considered to be a convert? And those so called newcomers can not be subjected to ideas that aren’t yours? What are you going to do, lock them up until they learned to interpret existence and everything in it your way?


To close:
In all seriousness, if you find in ANY way shape or form that the church you attend shows any sign of oppressiveness towards ideas that are humane, loving towards others, and open minded, leave that place. If you are like me, a searcher of truth and honesty you will be dissapointed and disillusioned sooner or later with that place so you might as wel save yourself a lot of heartache and get going. Sadly there are more power hungry pastors out there then you’d like to know. Also, if you find that some church gatherings are awkward and leave a lot to be desired, don’t go and be honest about it. And don’t let anyone shame you or talk you into going, that is a shame on them, not you. God never wants you to go to any of these meetings if they don’t feel natural to you. God never needs you to share your personal feelings, thoughts or history with anybody from “church” in order for Him to work with it. Don’t be too trusting of “churchleaders”, they have to earn your trust just like anybody else. And they can also lose it like anybody else.

God bless you on your journey through life, I hope you’ll be safe and spared from situations like these.



Christian parenting gone wrong

Wow, now there’s a topic that’ll have plenty of panties in the bunchiest of bunches.

If you’ve been or still are part of a church you probably have been confronted with the topic of how to properly raise children in a christian environment or with a christian mindset.

Right of the bat, I don’t have any kids myself. I’ll give you that much. But I have been one myself for a while…heck some would even argue I still am one at 30.

What I have mostly witnessed in church is young children getting taught the bare basics of faith in a very pre-packaged way. And what other way is there to do it anyway? I mean an 8 year old is barely going to have the insights to properly asses all of the ins and outs that come with a particular faith in a world as big and diverse as ours is.

However if you have an eye for generations passing by you’ll quickly notice a few  constants.

Kids are smart, kids grow up fast and kids rebel.

Kids are smarter then we often give them credit for and at a younger age then we expect. At some point you should explain them that different people believe in different versions of God without having to make a statement of monopoly on your view being the exclusive truth about existence.

Next to that, at some point every kid is going to rebel, even if it’s just a little like spitting on the sidewalk when mom isn’t watching or sticking your finger up your nose when the pastor is preaching about yet another way he found to interpret those 3 vague lines of scripture (whooptie-frigging-doo). It’s natural, everybody does it, I would even argue it’s the way God made us. I bet you Jesus was quite a scoundrel himself, that’s why they got rid of the writings talking of his teenage years I’m sure. It’s a part of growing up, forming an identity, learning to think for yourself and so on. And here is where Christianity drops the ball.

They get God involved, or rather, they say he is.

I once saw a mother giving her child hell for having two promises at the same time.
At first she was supposed to be at her fathers (parents divorced) but then she found out mom went swimming. She lied and said that was cancelled so she could also go swimming.

Not entirely correct, but I doubt the world will explode from it.

What followed once this came to light was nearly half an hour of her mother giving her hell about it. And what’s right is right, a mother should correct her child but it’s the way she went about it that bothers me.

She went on and on about how God didn’t approve and how she surely has chosen the devil now. If it went on much longer I would have sworn she would have started trying to “cast out demons” from the poor thing.

First off all, that’s ridiculous, if you want to make clear to your kid that you’re displeased with her. Make sure you let her know it’s YOU who is displeased with her. You are NOT God. What God has to say about this is between the kid and God himself. If you really believe he exists you also have to believe he can speak for himself.
You have no business speaking for him, none whatsoever. Lest you be stoned to death like a false prophet. I may be borderline agnostic but if there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s people prancing their self invented “words of God” around. Analise yourself and show a little respect to the originator being please.

Second of all, what do you think is going to happen when she grows up? Rebellion, rebellion against everything she experiences as unpleasant and oppressive. And since you did such a bang up job involving God almighty himself in every single tongue lashing she received, God, her final fail-safe in life, might be rebelled against as well. And you, the over concerned and conservative parent, has done everything to make it that way. This child didn’t have the devil inside of her, you put it there.

To close, here’s a video displaying a similar situation. I’m sure this young man will grow up to be one fine and healthy minded individual…once pigs take on aviary flight.

I don’t know about you, but I had an urge to vomit when I saw that young child being spiritually abused like that.

ANGRYFISH GAMES: the upcoming Doom 2016

Here I’d like to introduce a new part of this blog, Angryfish games. Next to music and musings about existence I also like to talk about video games every once in a while. Not to an extent where it’s my main focus but I like to keep up with some of my childhood favorites every once in a while.

So it’s no secret that I’m a huge fan of the Doom franchise, heck, I’m a fan of pretty much everything Id software has put their name on, or all the classics associated with theirs from other companies as well. I like old school fps in general.

I remember when I got really introduced to Doom, yes back in the day we all found out this way, through the first episode: kneedeep in the dead.

Things have changed a lot, Doom has seen some ups and downs (and loooong periodes of silence also) but gladly we’re about to see the next installment next year.

Now here I want to make some points and put some thing in perspective because it always happens time and time again when a big franchise is about to release their next big title. The hordes of fans grow restless and start typing/clawing away at their keyboards as they drool on their screens with either anticipation or disgust and hatred.
Some fans are excited and start saying things like “omg this is going to be the best game EV3R!!!” and then quickly onto the scene comes a grumpy thug kids only to slap the excited kid in the face with the bitter grimness that this game is going to be the worst. “THEY ONLY WANT YOUR MONEY AND WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!”

Settle down already, you too kid wearing a cod t-shirt, yes you can haz fps but you gotta keep your jap shut.

Here is where it’s going to be at. Are you ready for this?

The new doom, coming in 2016, is most likely going to be…exactly what it needs to be.

No more, no less.


And here’s why:

*The music: And trust me I know a thing or two about music. No, these are not the rocking tracks we had back in the 90’s. Guess what, they’re not supposed to be.
These people are up to a really difficult task, they need to capture the imagination and fulfill the expectations of really difficult fans. Not only that, but they also have to deliver something that has artistic integrity, something that “works”. You may like fries with your burger, and you may also like a milkshake to go with it as well.. Lord knows I do. But for the love off all that is holy, don’t dunk your fries into the milkshake.
Too much of a good thing can turn out bad.

And it’s like that with the music in this game as well. Yes it will probably have some amped up moments, it should, but not all of the time. It desperately needs dynamics if you want the intense moments to have impact. What worked in the old doom wouldn’t work in this one.

*The visuals: They are right, I don’t care if you think the cacodemons need to be brighter or the cyberdemon doesn’t look the same. This is a modern day overhaul, you seriously don’t want them to just remake the old models and put them on a new engine. Point in case look at this=>

“yeah but that is a bad example, they gotta make it more realistic but then more like the old ones”

No, and no. First of this is one of the “better” examples that I could find. There are far worse ones out there. Secondly, the old designs worked because they looked cartoony in an engine that supported it. If they would go that route today you’d end up with Team Fortress styled visuals. And you don’t want your Doom experience to look like that right? What they did is a perfect compromise, they do have a very slight and subtle hint of cartoony characiture, but almost so little that you barely notice it on some of the models. And that’s what it should be.

As for the cyberdemon and others not being shaped the same. I’m honestly glad, they tried to rework the cyberdemon closer to the old one in doom 3 and it honestly didn’t really do it for me. If they went any closer to the 1st one it would lose any and all credibility.

*Gameplay: Oh goody, here comes the real kicker. And you’re right this is touchy subject matter that I’m not even going to touch because I haven’t even played the alpha. All I can say is, I hope they do a good job and give us plenty of options to tweak our mouse settings.

*Snapmap: eventhough this might bring some restrictions for mods, I think it’s a brilliant move. The community around doom I and II thrives even today because making a map is pretty easy yet flexible enough to be interesting.

Nowadays making maps has come a very long way and the options are pretty much endless. But that’s the thing. The average user has no idea how to make a box in most 3d editors (I know I don’t) and that’s where most modern games fall flat, the fans wait for some other fans to make mods because most of them don’t have the proper know-how. And as soon as there’s a handful of user made maps the guys that do know how to do it go back to using udk and the community stops.

Snapmap hopefully gives us what starcraft and warcraft have done, give the fans the power to make maps so the game can live on long and happy.

To conclude am I saying that Doom is going to be perfect? Probably not, it’ll upset someone regardless of what they do because expectations are very high and the fans nowadays have a high sense of entitlement.

But on the flipside of that, from what we’ve seen, this should be a great product. If they deliver what they promise us. Or even about 70-80% of that, it still should be great.
If you compare the new material to the leaked trailer of the previous version “doom 4” (look it up on youtube) you’ll see why I can say this confidently. This looks like a product they made with both their minds AND their gut instinct. And that’s important it needs to be spontaneous.

With that said, I have never developed a full game in my life, I am a musician.

Also on a side note, I’d like to pitch a little theory of mine. Remember how Carmack announced he was considering rebooting the Quake 1 universe? This was a few years ago. When the first teaser came out it didn’t click for me yet, but then the more preview material started coming out something clicked for me.

“fused in unholy union of flesh and metal”

That in combination with some of the designs of some of the monsters, and the part where they have to scan a guys hand to get access (a reference to quake II) makes me think they might have adapted the stroggos into the doom universe. Not literally as in the timelines would cross, but the ideas and concepts. The combination of flesh and machine was already present in Doom but it wasn’t such a heavy focus as it was in quake II and the rest of the stroggos universe. So maybe they’ll bring that back in the new Doom and really have a quake 1 style reboot. Which I would be very excited for as wel. Lets be honest Quake 4 did kind of show this universe needed something fresh and it needed it badly.

This is angryfish guy saying “RIP AND TEAR!!”

Will God forgive Christianity?

It’s a theme that comes back in most ancient religious writings, judgement day, the end where everything has to be accounted for.

Wether or not this is to be taken literal or not is already a huge topic, add to that Christianity and it’s more often then not ridiculous eschatological ideas (views/beliefs about the end of time) and you have a puzzle to last you a lifetime. If you’re a flexible person that is open to learn new and different views every once in a while that is.

One of my personal favorites in the huge and complex question that humanity has throughout the ages, has been so far, a God that forgives.
Because that’s good news, wether it’s through Jesus his sacrifice and faith therein, or some other figures sacrifice or just goodness… it’s a comforting idea that the originator of our existence, if it’s a sentient one,  can look past the misbehavior we display from time to time. …an all knowing and loving God surely must be aware that life on this planet can be painfully frustrating from time to time right?

What I do have trouble with lately is seeing how he could forgive the atrocities of religion carried out in his name.

And I’m not even talking about the recent terrorism carried out in name of the so called God of the Quran. That’s a no brainer.

What I’m more concerned with right now is more close to my own heart and personal life. Sure you could say I might be wallowing in self pity. (listening to Gothic Doom as I write this certainly amplifies that feeling)

Can God forgive Christianity? The cult-ure that drives away it’s own with an inhumane desire to be right over anyone who doesn’t comply. A determination to overthrow anything which stands in their way that makes the empire in star wars, or the borg in star trek seem like tame kittens.

I used to just scroll by and let it pass over my head, the dumb, dumb ideas people present as “christian teaching”.

Here’s to you, the christians that are convinced the particle accelerator is going to open a gateway to hell, the christians that get into politics only to try and sabotage gay people from living a normal life and claim to do it out of “logic”. Here’s to you all of the modern day false-prophets that lie in the name of God, according to your own favorite book, you deserve to be stoned to death. And I happen to agree with it on that one.
Here’s to that jackass on youtube who feels he has to make a video pointing out that slayer is a satanic band. What do you want then? For them to play a rendition of “how great is (y)our God” at your churches youth-center? A youth-center that was paid for with money that could have gone to taxes, or even better yet, food and housing for the poor. A youth-center that is inherently boring and lame because of tightwads like you who need to squeeze all the fun out of every gathering by christianesing all over the place.
Here’s to you Christians who are more concerned singing the atrocities against all that is holy and aesthetically pleasing you call “worship music” (snoooorreee).
And here’s to all the asshole christians who love to point at Kathy Perry, if she left, she did it because of you and rightfully so. I don’t care if Evanescence denied beeing a christian band, you know what I would do it as wel, having Christianity tied to your musical product is just bad marketing anyway. Here’s to you, the selfish pricks who had to make sure the series “God the devil and Bob” got cancelled because it offended you. Thank you for making the world a darker and more grim place with your nazi like tendencies in having everything your way. God surely must be proud of you now that you’ve accomplished to liken his followers more to a group of nosy puritans rather then a people who celebrate life and all the expressions thereof. You’re the people because of whom we can’t have nice things.
And here’s to you, Christians who just can’t get to terms with dinosaurs.
Those poor bastards probably died years before us because they didn’t want to deal with your shit in the first place.

God forgives individuals, but christianity as a collection of ideas and practices…I’m not so sure anymore. That culture just really wants to do everything it can to piss people off doesn’t it? And I haven’t even begun about capitalism gone off the rails…

And finally, God bless Slayer. (deal with it)


As you may have heard last night November 13th 2015, there was a terrorist attack in Paris surrounding an eagles of death metal concert. This is horrible, something we as humanity must stand against in any shape and form. And at any rate we should all stand together against this.

Someone from my family was in Paris at the time, but thank God she was safe.
See? I expressed gratitude towards a being or idea that is strongly linked to religion.

Now I myself in this blog stand vehemently against cultural heritage and traditions in religion that are inhumane ranging from wrong indoctrination all the way to annoying worship music.

And I greatly sympathize with people who feel offended by religion in general, I have a bad taste from it myself and at times I wish it never came into my life.

That said however, this morning when I opened up the feed from my social media site at choice I was confronted with another attack. People I consider acquaintances or some them even close friends. A barrage of posts against religion. Even though I understand the motivation it should be noted that I feel my partaking in religion does not contribute to tragedies like these.
You could say I could better spent my time and energy voting with my feet by leaving. And sometimes I feel like it. But at the same time I always want to keep one foot in the door. Firstly because my heart dwells in and out of it. Secondly, the world of religion is not going to be solved or improved by simply just bashing it. We need dialogue.

Next to that, there’s also lots of people who dismiss the idea of prayer. Saying it’s a waste of time and that it doesn’t do anything to help anyone. Almost as if to say you’re just as bad as the terrorists themselves.
Are you even hearing yourselves anymore people? I’m a mid western citizen who works a 9 to 5 kind of job, I have never been arrested for anything and if I ever should have been it was for stealing a guitar pick. (and yes, if the christian premise holds true Jesus also died for that sin)
The worst thing I do on a regular basis is maybe drink one or two beers too many on a Saturday night every 2-3 weeks, and even when I do that I make sure never to harm anyone.

And you are telling me off because I happen to choose to take a moment of reflection and gratitude dedicated to the safety of my family? That is below the belt and not only that, it’s unnecessary at a time like this. If you want to debate the logistics of prayer fine do so, but don’t link that debate to a tragedy like this when it’s still fresh. You’re shooting your fellow soldiers here. Even worse you’re drawing focus away from the real bad guys in this situation.

If prayer doesn’t do anything and it’s wrong because of it, then so is changing your facebook profile pics to something related to the current event (now being a picture of the Eiffel tower). No, trust me by the time you’ve changed your pic so has everybody else and it defeats the purpose of raising awareness. And if it’s done to show support, well so does my prayer. What a crime against humanity huh?

If prayer is wrong then so is telling everyone religion is bad. No, the world of religion is too damn big and diverse to just say that they’re all bad people or they are all wrong. That’s a stupid argument, you can disagree with religions all you want, but just flat out saying they’re all bad people is retarded.  And no we’re not going to argue theists vs atheists, that is old, dead, superfluous time wasting for children who still want to “win” the debate from those “other” people.

I get it, you’re frustrated with religions in general because they’ve done great harm over the course of history. And in your eyes prayer is something people uphold rather then do naturally and they’d be better of without. I get that, but could you please stop putting prayer in a spotlight where it’s almost as bad as raping and killing? They are not the same.

I take time and effort to learn about the differences between sexual identities and the likes in order to respect people more and for the sake of learning about it. Maybe you could do this as well and actually take some time to learn about people their many diverse beliefs. At the very least you’ll be able to say something more focused in the direction of “stop terrorism”.

In a world where political correctness still needs a lot of shaping right?

hashtag #prayershaming

Update: 5/12/2015

Hey guys apparently the hashtag “#prayershaming” sort of took on a life on it’s own. There’s a whole lot of articles linked to it, and so far as I can tell I’m the first one who’s came up with this tag. Which I’m grateful for if that’s really the case, I mean lets be honest it’s kind of fun and novel in a way. However I also find it somewhat sad that it sort of turned into a political debate. This was my outcry for people to stand together in tolerance and open mindedness opposing terrorism. Sadly however, as far as I can tell (haven’t read all the articles yet) it became a rallying cry in America to point fingers between political parties. I know you guys mean well. But lets talk about individuals instead of political parties.
Also I might update this article since I really was going on a bit of a rant out of emotion and didn’t put too much thought into it.



No I haven’t started reading the great works by the great philosophers of old. Maybe I should at some point.

But I’m writing this right now here because I need to talk to someone and I have no one that seems appropriate right now…other then you, the tiny little audience traffic this blog gets.

I may be faulting as a christian, I’ve given up going to “church”, I’ve given up on conventional doctrines and dogma’s. I’ve turned my back on feeling guilty over what the church seems to want me to feel guilty about, while saying that I shouldn’t…such a weird thing. I could go full agnostic and to be honest it does play around in my head at times, but there’s also a part of me that doesn’t want to go there quite yet, if ever.

I’ve given up trying to earn God’s favor, and sure in Christianity we always say you can’t earn God’s favor, but really feeling like you don’t have to is something entirely different from just putting words in the right order.

It’s been my mantra for a long time now and lately it’s becoming a reality.

“All I have is grace” …because if the “Die and fry” supposition that Christianity holds that there is an afterlife in which we’ll either face everlasting torment or orgasmic joy based on our standing to the one true God is true. Then I either have his grace and I’m good, or I don’t and I’m seriously screwed.

And I have to be brutally honest, it plays huge parts in my mind on a daily basis. After leaving the church my life has improved substantially, I feel like life has a reason to be lived again. We can still fix the pieces and build a dream come true after all. In fact it might even end up tasting sweeter then it ever would have only because of what we’ve been through and what we’ve learned from it.

But letting go of indoctrination is hard. It’s stressful, it feels dangerous. Dating a girl outside of church feels like playing with fire. Yet it’s the only fire that will even speak to me.

I used to live in a church location for a while…but it never was home, it was a grave being digged for everything that was made me me. And you’ve heard it so many times that home is where the heart is. By God does that sappy saying have so much more meaning to me now.

Finally I can write music again, and actually feel good about it.

Despite all that there are times where I still struggle with that deep question. God?
A question that you can’t even fit into a few words, it’s this outreaching that goes beyond human speech. ..

“Are you out there? Do you hear me? Are you real? Am I real? Do you love me? Am I yours? Will I be on your good side? Do you approve of me?…” The never ending list of requests and questions the human heart asks over and over again like a gaping wound begging to be tended.

And Christianity promises a solution for that, the ultimate solution. As does every other religion out there…whether or not they really work is a totally different story.

The only peace I have lately, is letting go. Admitting I don’t know anything and believing this kind of humility is the best answer. Have you looked at people holding signs lately? It’s a pretty depressing sight…

Maybe we need to turn this wound around and use it’s energy into a driving force to keep us going?

At any rate, here’s a little something I’ve come up with, it may mean very little or be absolutely flawed. If so do point it out in the comments section.

“I think therefor I am” (we all know that one) => “I am therefor it is”

Is my being proof of the “higher” being? Or is my being the reason for the higher being? (and did it create it?)

Voila, my childish attempt at some lightweight philosophy, I’m sure I’m late by only a 1000-2000 years but hey better late then never right?

Now go ahead and point out what books I do need to read if I ever wanna be taken serious.

Aftersale nightmares from the divine

“Your call is verry important to us, please hold”

“All our staff are currently occupied, please hold”

And it goes on and on like that, phonecalls that get dropped. People that finally do get someone on the line might get treated snarky, or have to settle for some feel good answer without really getting a solution for their problem. Please hold, …please hold. Those that do get a solution might find that it’s only a temporary fix that only ties them over for a little while. Meanwhile it’s beeing advertised everywhere that customers get miraculous aftersales and customer service.

And the company hasn’t got a clue why business isn’t doing that well. They just can’t seem to figure it out. There’s plenty of complaints going around and the individual establishments of the franchise have mixed responses ready. Some try to take them to heart and make an honest investment from their own local budget in order to do what they can. But there’s others who just collapse under the negativity and give up. And who can blame them? The guidance from above seems diffirent for every other individual store, like every establishement is dealing with a diffirent ceo entirely.

There’s even rumours of some getting ridiculous budgets that they spend on frivolous and vain advertising without really doing anything for the customers.

And the customers themselves they either give up or have to weed through the forests of diffirent franchises and establishements until they possibly find a good one that fits them and is nearby. And then it’s only a matter of time and endurance to see how long they’ll be tolerated once real problems arise.

“Your prayer is verry important to us, please hold”

“All our blessings are currently occupied, please hold”

And that’s how I feel about God lately sometimes. The head of a company that suposidly has the best product out there. Eternal life… and it comes with amazing benefits. They suposidly would help you get your life on track and have the right things show up on the right time. A job, a spouse, great health benefits, financial aid,…everything you can think off should be covered. Or atleast that’s what they, the church, sometimes advertise.

And the truth is most of the aftersales go nowhere. Prayers don’t get heard, get brushed off with some feelgood “oh but God loves you” answers. The gospel is beeing preached everywhere but nobody really seems to know what it is anymore because everywhere you go it’s diffirent. And ofcourse every single branch of the company claims their’s is the real product that has been blessed directly from God himself…then why don’t the other ones get the same one? And why do the results all seem the same?

If God were the head of a company and the company would be church(advertising) and the reality of answered prayers (customer service/aftersales) I imagine it would be a nightmare. It would be a miracle by itself that this company would even exist. There is no authority from above because the churches just don’t seem to listen or want to walk in line. And customers just give up in droves because they get tired of waiting.

Waiting for healing, waiting for a spouse, waiting for their needs to be met with something other then a one size fits all feelgood answer.

Has God taken a long vacation? Or has He given up? Maybe he decided only to help customers that have a positive attitude in a move highlight the succes stories and try to save budget on lost causes.

I don’t know anymore… lately I’m trying to revise my faith from all angles because it just doesn’t add up anymore. Trying to drop the westernised tendencies from the christian faith is really difficult beeing born and raised european. And I can’t find real closure about the idea that God is all powerfull, all knowing and all capable. Yet sometimes it seems like he just leaves people to their own devices or lets them be struck by bad luck over and over again just because…

That can’t be the reality of a loving God. But I also have no peace with the idea of a God who is just absent. He created existence for us and just sort off took off a while aggo.

Yes you can call it a crisis of faith, or maybe it’s a formative time. It just doesn’t add up sometimes…

And before anyone tells me “God’s dead get over it”. That’s really blunt and somewhat disrespectfull of what I’m going through. And eventhough I fully understand there’s plenty of christians who try to do the same to non believers by trying to prove them right over others. That’s not an answer you should force on anyone going through this. Just like nobody should try to force faith on anyone else. I’ve had that happen to me… I’ve learned now to never try that on anyone else. Existentialism is something that should be approached verry carefully and with the utmost respect for the individuals expierience.

Anyway try to be nice out there to eachother, life itself can be painfull enough sometimes without people making it a living hell for eachother.


(disclaimer: don’t get me wrong, there are some things in my life now that are SO good, it makes me say “there must be a God”. There are other things I’m still waiting for as I keep trying…and it makes me bitter.)