Hello my fellow ranting fish.
It’s been a while since I last posted here. What happened?
Did I give up? Did I go full athiest? Did I finally snap and decided to join a cult? Did I snap even further and decided to bomb a church?
No no, nothing as drastic as that. In fact…I found a girlfriend. And with it a couple of stepkids and even a pair of little woofers (dogs that is).
Between writing and playing music, and endlessly contemplating existence in light of a creator being, I’m taking care of my new little family. And as such I’ve found I have no more time to be bitter about some church I wasted some of my years in. Well, I say wasted,…no no I learned a lot and made good friends there, but I stuck around far too long for my own good, that one’s on me. I can’t really blame a Christian church for encouraging someone to stick around…it’s what they do. What I do take issue with is that either nobody told me to leave, or I simply didn’t want to see or hear the warnings.
So what’s next? No more faith in your life?
I wouldn’t say that, I’ve become much more of an observer. My music still revolves around that thing we call “God” and all the human experiences that surround that topic. But I’m no longer the bitter and militant young man who’s bent on disassembling the evangelical/charismatic part of church culture.
Also I’ve rediscovered a little childlike wonder and amazement. In learning about other faiths, other religions,… Just to absorb the knowledge and gain a little more understanding of what it means to be human. I find beauty in difference. I’ve also started a small online community to discuss those topics, it brings me great joy.
But I must also admit that I struggle. Since I’m letting go of many doctrines and practices that I now view as “modern day church culture” rather then actual spirituality or biblical doctrine. It also comes with a great transformation which isn’t painless. Sometimes I find myself out of touch with anything that resembles a center point to take hold of in uncertainty. You see, in my mind anything is up for questioning when it comes to God/reality/… and as such I have to find that center again. A place that I can honestly say “I believe this and that, because I feel it closest resembles the ultimate truth”. That might take a while.
While being a church going christian was hard for the flesh, and the mind as wel, most questions had easy answers. Just throw God at it and you have your answer. …me being me today, I can’t do that anymore.
Maybe I’ll stick around here again, maybe I’ll start a new blogg… who knows.
But for now hello again old friends, and thanks for reading.